This is not my ceiling
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
