At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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