Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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