I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
