dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
