is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
