you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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