So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I believe in your delicious
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
