I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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