and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
she told me i tasted like america
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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