Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
