How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
