She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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