no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
