Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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