It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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