I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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