Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
