he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
why is half of my head shaved?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
