FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
