My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
