We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize