I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
