he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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