people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
