I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize