im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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