Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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