Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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