I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
