Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
