his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I have feelings that need drinking.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
