why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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