Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
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