operation harelip BJ is a go
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize