Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
