Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
