explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
you never un-have a 4some
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
