my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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