I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I am never drinking with the goths again.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
