He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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