walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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