Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
