I can text with my tongue
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
