Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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