I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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