all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
