I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
