i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
