so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
