If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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