I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
