highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
