it's not cheating when I paid for it
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
