I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Randomize
