I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
