im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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