I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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