My girlfriend figured out who you are.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
