You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
