That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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