I am in a vortex of obligation.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
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