Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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