Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
