What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
