My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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