how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
