I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
