Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize