I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Having a random hookup so left but love u
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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