Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
