Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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