Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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