Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
