Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
