the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
