He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
