It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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