They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
