I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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