i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
