Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
