When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
