During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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