It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
