Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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