mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize