The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
