There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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