I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
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