the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize