Welp...herpes.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
