3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
