So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
