The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize