Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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